But for me, it was. But fine, then 'It's not what you do, it's the way that you do it': give him the truth *cleverly*. I dont know which country u belong from but where i live I don't think men here like us to talk to strangers , men are our protectors and the bread earners, men on the whole are possessive of their females all around the world specially in case like yours if you have been too much loyal to each other,however if we assumed both of u to be flirt or too outgoing-means in case of slping wid ppl etc then u could share an event like a normal secretbut remember this is not merely a secret its equal to CONFESSING A CRIME/yes disloyality is a crime another man can not touch u after u r marryd to sombdy-if i take myself into account i can never allow any guy to touch me its only my hubbys right to see and love me even he says my loyalty is his most precious asset:) so if u do confess then he forgives or not for ur crime is his decision- I would recommend you should avoid telling him n you should change your job or timings as soon as possible because he that boy may try to exploit the situation tell your hubby though it has little chance but still you should be careful. I told him straight away what had happened. I kissed another girl while black out drunk, dont remember a thing. Your boyfriend may love you so much that he believes you won't repeat the cheating ever again. An affair isn't a bad choice made when a married person decides to sleep with someone that they aren't married to. "and even though he said he immediately pulled away" instead of: You have been dating this guy for only two months and it's not serious yet. Are you sure you didnt have sex with him/her? = I'VE ONLY GOT HIS WORD FOR IT. Alcohol was a factor, but all it did was bring to the surface the feelings that were already there. [1] you didn't foresee and avoid being in that predicament. 07/12/2015 22:05. I'm mortified. The video shows twogayguys(fellow vloggers Jordan Jayro and James Butler) partner with four straight men togive them their first man-to-mansnog. Need help with your relationship? We finally mended fences, but there still is a type of tension between us. When you purchase through links on our site, we may earn an affiliate commission, which supports our community. The straight women in the girls-french kiss-girls video were all shocked at how gentle and 'non-aggressive' female kissers were, in comparison to guys. So - no - if I feel like entertaining myself, I only have to think of my favourite joke about, what do you call a dinosaur with only one eye? I went out for drinks in town last night and got extremely drunk and kissed another man, it only lasted not even a few seconds but I feel so so so guilty and wish I could take it back. My wife left me because I had become emotionally unavailable. Updated January 27, 2023 by ReGain Editorial Team. Why? Did You Know Anxiety Can Enhance Our Relationships? Well, now, that little lot *definitely* counts as 'debate fodder' relevant to this whole issue, rather than pure chit-chat. I was heart broken, and even though he said he immediately pulled away, and we stayed together and over time forgot about it, I remember feeling so uneasy every time I knew he would be in that girls company. I did say gateway to sex at first didn't I. Saying that, however, I note you wrote: I recall an incident years ago, we were very young, just teenagers, and a girl planted a big kiss on my hubby (then boyfriend) on a night out. Answer (1 of 7): As you have not mentioned your gender, i am assuming you are a girl. You're not attracted to him? female My SO and I had been dating two years. Have another little thinkipoos (with or without a little drinkipoos). Why stab your partner in the heart, just to see if the relationship will still survive? I went to a party with friends last night and I kissed someone.. My opinion, fwiw, is that what you did was not that bad. We all should know by now that alcohol affects our judgment and that it can make us less inhibited and cause us to behave in ways in which we never would behave while sober. reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2006): A get into counselling. Hubby had a similar experience when we were in our first year - with his ex. BTW lips are also very much a part of foreplay that's what I've read. That was crazy' and other awkward things. In Jung's theory, the anima makes up the totality of the unconscious feminine psychological qualities that a man possesses and the animus the masculine ones possessed by a woman. Visit my website and follow me on Twitter @GuyWinch. You want me to go on a comma and replace her. Register in under one minute and get your own agony aunt column - recommended! Why would you want to do that? But please seperate the issues. I made that call today and will move from lates to early starting Monday 16th feb. It's not just a guy thing anymore,women are in it too. Well you need to figure that out and fast. But the guilt is killing me. Still, now that the courts are coming down wider and heavier on emotional abuse, I'm sure it's just a matter of time. I had text my husband so he knew where I was and that was ok. I don't know if he wants to still be friends with her on FB or not. Youre just using the fact that you were drunk as an excuse. What should I do. It felt so wrong and taboo yet so erotic and a sort of thrilling jealousy! You wanna tell your husband? I had had an argument with my fianc because I found a suspicious text from a woman , he became very mad . I was drunk but that is no excuse. She emailed him out of the Blue, and he proudly showed me both her smarmy email and his polite yet nonetheless "on yer bike!" For the fact that I'd have to go into mass production, LOL. Because telling him something that you regret and will never do again is doing exactly that. Confesing to your husband was risky. As for what we believe about kissing being the gateway to sex (specifically foreplay, which itself is the main gate): if anyone believes it *isn't*, thenwellAll I could say to that is: My husband wasnt home at the time. I'd be obsessed with it. Now that you got drunk, you feel justified in kissing that person because you got drunk and couldnt help yourself. Drop it in CASUALLY, as part of general chit-chat, like it's no big thing (because if it's no biggie to you then that must mean it isn't and wasn't any threat to him), and in such a way as draws similarities with his own past incident. If you drink so much that you lose track of everything, then you already took the first step on a dangerous road. Pointer much appreciated, though. I felt a mixture of excitement and flattery and nerves. , By entering this site you declare I tried to flag down a taxi but it ignored me and I even hid behind a wall at a garage while he took a pee. His imagination could go haywire over that one. Though somehow I think there might have been trouble in the marriage. I am the nicest person on earth and so is my boyfriend. Your guilt is your punishment. Hey all. I came home and we resolved it and ever since everything has been fine. Please tell me I will stop feeling like this. Whoops. I didnt hear from my piano teacher for at least two weeks after that. SA you have got it- it is more the "what's behind it" than what happened. Are you sure all you did was kiss? I agree. Then the accusations begin, which night go something like: Why on earth did you kiss _________? Try to let it go and forgive yourself. I know he would forgive me but I don't want to deal with issue with him. Which probably makes you wonder why I came here in the first place. I could go on about a lot of things here. And what Simone Bienne said on the love line. Oh there really isn't any disagreement actually. Funny, I have never gotten amorous when I have had too much to drink. Oh my god, (Brodie)bit my tongue! yells James. So what do you think? The last person you should be talking to about your feelings of guilt is your partner. At least I'll know I've done my bit to the very best of my capability. However for the next time please be careful and never do such a blunder because he's a gem and you should not lose him just for your stupid or foolish acts .i mean any sophisticated or a ONE MAN WOMAN (a proud title for me :) and hopflly for u too ) wont like to stress her relatn or leave a man whom she loves or take him in a position where he might leave ? I know it was wrong and I regret it all. But I can't leave my job. I guess it's the nature of the topic - emotive yet one of those Grey areas. When I needed a dresser picked up from a furniture store, he offered to take me to the store and bring the furniture home in his pick up truck. In fact, you dont even have to tell your partner what you did because it was an innocent kiss. a wiz veteran at Relationship Talk. A relationship with a man is supposed to be specifically platonic, says YouTuber David Godinez, while filmmaker James Rath says that men are told not to be physically intimate. Hang on because I'm sure there will be other people who believe differently from me. Yesterday night we went out to drink. But now he has begun university and I trust him with everything but I keep thinking of what I did. Needing to hear this guy tell you it was OK- It was not OK. Tell your husband. I rather throw it all out in the openbe honestapologize for my mistakeand be ready for the consequences. I'm taking it day by day. Guy Winch, Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist and author of Emotional First Aid: Healing Rejection, Guilt, Failure, and Other Everyday Hurts. . like, by not investing his heart too much via (wait for it) an optimum amount of kisses and cuddles, etc? It was a real dress up affair, and the drink flowed freely all night long. 5. Tico Franklin, now 40, faced the death . Where were you hiding it - up your sleeve? A couple of nights ago I went out to a work function. Not just, here's your marriage license good luck. Ignore the erroneous message and smile. I waited for the right time ?? Should I tell him or just get on with my life and put this whole sorry mess behind me? What am I going to do? New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. All Content Copyright (C) DearCupid.ORG 2004-2008 - we actively monitor for copyright theft, Register in under one minute and get your own agony aunt column. I'm dating this guy and have been for about 2 months. I wouldn't want him around the person. I don't see any good coming from me confessing, only hurt and upset and doubt, and think my time would be better spent working on my relationship, and working through the issues that are putting so much pressure on us at the moment. Wouldn't you? When he finally called me up, he said that he needed to stay away from me, much as he enjoyed teaching me music, he felt that the next time we met, things could get even worse and he didnt want to destroy my marriage. i cried for days on and my bf couldnt figure out was . (y) The guilt may be strong because you doubt yourself right now and were surprised by your actions. When the night was over one of the women said we could go back to hers for drinks, and I was happy to go. Well, time for some fun questions: would you be telling him about it just to alleviate your own guilt? :), Ah cawlled *you* 'sistah', dun't mean Ah iz wurn too, 'kayyy, shugah? I believe that its a good thing to fess up when kissing someone you care about when you drank too much could threaten your existing relationship. If you we're my girlfriend and it was years ago and never happened again I would not want to know. I felt sick! Despite their passion during the kiss. Kissing someone other than your spouse is cheating. You have no right to unburden your conscience at the expense of your partners happiness. HIKARI, you can't take up an obsolete thread as your own, no matter any similarities, so if you want feedback and advice it's best to start a new one (and copy and paste that post into it as your opening post), okay? On which note - "Marriage is about trust not tryst": I like that saying. Talk About Family, Marriage and Relationships, My magic wand would remove shame from sexuality for all! I'd never be able to get over it. My piano teacher didnt behave like his normal, reserved self and he made suggestive comments to me. Oh no worries soulmate, yes we do miss you We'll talk tomorrow. Even so, you might find that you are still attracted to other people. Boyfriend kissed another girl while drunk? i asked him how he'd feel if i went and made out with another man in front of him. It meant absolutely nothing what so ever but to me, I still class kissing someone else, no matter how long or short time, drunk or not, as cheating! I was surprised by his reaction, but I shook my head and said it was nothing like that. (Ta-daaaa!) (*'I know, your right, it's just I'm really attracted to you and couldn't not act on it, I'm sorry, you're right'. I was devastated. I wouldn't be able to sleep at night. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. (That'll do me nicely! I rang the guy and said ' oh wow, so last night, that really happened, what the hell where we at? ' Being married is something that can be quite complicated at times. :-( Feel free to start a thread if you need to vent it all out.). Despite their passion during the kiss though, thestraight guys (quite predictably)all saythey still identified asstraight. I knew this was wrong but my brain wasn't working properly. (Got me cracked) 24 I said to my husband, I have something to tell you, but I dont know how to say it.. Do you? When my husband came home, he could tell right away that I had been drinking. He Have Lipstick Stain Or Make Up Stain On His Face It's an obvious sign that someone kissed him. Scopes: okay, although the whole point of forums is [1] that they're anonymous and [2] people's problems aren't ever remotely unique enough for the poster not to potentially be literally from anywhere in the world thus unidentifiable. I'm not sure how long we were there when one of the women decided to call it a night, and left in a taxi. The guilt may be strong because you doubt yourself right now and were surprised by your actions. I regret waiting so long to tell him.-2 months. SOULMATE is totally right and we all know it. LGBTYouTube stars Bria Kam and Chrissy Chambers (BriaAndChrissy) have released a videoexploring what its like for straight guys to kiss other men for the first time. Please help. I really have a problem believing but forgave her and weve been together another 20 yrs now and have 15 grand children hasnt ever really bothered me but about 3 yrs ago it hit me like of bolt of lightning out of nowhere and I cant get that night out of my mind, keep obsessing over what they might have done and how they spent the 4 or 5 hours that they were together outside the venue that night. I guess what really bothers me a lot is when kids get involved. But, I did find out that I was attracted to my piano teacher. Yet obviously (action of posting on a forum after having pulled the snog plug) you don't like that bit. I recently broke up with my boyfriend of 6 months and I feel so guilty. reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2006): A Tl;dr: why do I feel guilty after ending things with a guy who grabbed my ass during our first kiss? I think they all count as cheating and I'm not sure it's necessary to make a distinction. He is my workmate also. No, if it's sensible debate, based on *facts* rather than wishful thinking, that's fine. Biological ones. How Psychologically Conditioned Rats Are Defusing Landmines, The Innate Intelligence Observed in the Dying Process. If your boyfriend still trusts you- then his faith in your fidelity moving forward should give you faith in yourself. I still feel so guilty and I just don't know what to do. reader, missbunbury+, writes (25 October 2005): A They need to hold people more accountable to commitment. Similarly, meeting with someone privately and not telling your partner can also be a warning sign that . For the last few years we have been trying for a baby and are currently going through tests to try find out why it's not happening. This was a relationship BTW not a marriage. A female reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2006): Hey sweetie my Name is Jilian I have a boyfriend as well and we have been dating for 3 months, I have had past relationships that have gone on for 11 months, I have cheated on my past boyfriend andi felt so terrible andi was in the same situation as you are, sweetie i know how you feel. I just knew you would cheat on me if given half a chance.. ;-) Yes, I think if your boyfriend thinks his girl or boy or whatever is gonna be loyal to them even under the influence. I sent the guy packing with a friendly piss-take (whilst deliberately flashing my ring), and then told hubbie the minute I got home. Some song came on and it was a soppy song and we were both singing along. If you are carrying so much guilt, it's generally a sign that you care a lot about someone and you are really sorry for what you have done- perhaps he realises this. But we can get through it together if you are truley remoreseful. It how you deal with it that makes the difference. Feel free to start your own thread if you finally find you've a need to.). I am deeply shocked this has happened and I don't know who to turn to for help. I am the same way. This should be obvious, but sadly, for many it's not. If it in the meantime hits a nerve and makes you uncomfortable or even gets you all het up, that's your problem, not mine. However, if you kissed someone whom you liked or had a crush on while you were drunk, my opinion is that you cheated. If you feel like this about yourself then you may be worrying about what he will do while he's at university. Sincere apology if my assumption is wrong. - GET THE FUCK OUT. Because just as everyone else is saying, if you did the RIGHT thing, you shouldn't feel guilty. Yes it hurts.. View related questions: I was drunk on Friday night and I kissed another guy. Go cold turkey. He deserves the right to make the decision on whether he can forgive you and move on with you. I wonder how that struggle with trust might affect bonding within a romantic relationship contex- oh, wait - could it, would it, on a train in the rain with a fox in a box, Sam-I-Am, possibly always communicate to your husband a sense that you don't fully enough trust *him*, in which case that must mean you're judging him by YOUR standards ergo he'd better hold back a bit just in case? "then the cheeky ugger only went and bloody kissed me, didn't he! Wow! For me i felt guilty for enjoying it so much. Married woman slaps sleazebag's face and leaves. Bad things happen.Yes.but wat i d recomnd u is NEVER EVER tell him ! Thus it's what I *DID DO* - back in September when at an Indian restaurant with friends (I mentioned it on this forum as apropos to someone's thread) and some bloke tried to come onto me. You werent totally bombed out of your mind, so you realized what you did and you felt guilty about it. Not work you put off until 'tomorrow' - TODAY. 3. See "The 5 Ingredients of an Effective Apology"; you probably miss at least two of them when you apologize. Everyone makes mistakes and it's how you deal with them afterwards that is the most important thing. It's good that you're willing to forgive,most women would divorce. If, on the other hand, you kissed someone whom you knew or someone your significant other believes youve always liked, and then you confess that you kissed him or her, your actions could have major consequences for your relationship Why? For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding. People who are qualified to label themselves good don't keep secrets from the one person in the world they tacitly vowed never to keep secrets from, particularly when the information is the victim's right to know (in order to continue to emotionally protect themselves, particularly whenever their partner's showing they're currently unable to execute their duty of helping them do so 'right to know' because where there's a problem in the relationship as, with the mere aid of the pigpen gate-unlocker called alcohol, causes behaviour counter to the relationship's chances of continued success, then - AS a team - it takes both members' addressing it together for the solution/outcome to possess any real authenticity or permanent efficacy. The other day, I had a first with my partner Flo: I put my tongue in another mans mouth while he stood by only to observe. We were chatting when we realised the other woman was snoring. Perhaps this one is geared more toward the ladies, but I feel pretty confident in assuming that no matter the . If you both agreed not to see anyone else, how is that not exclusive? He is a good person and a good husband and I love him very much. Carl Jung said that if you're dreaming of a stranger of the opposite sex, it usually means your psyche is tapping into your inner man or inner woman. So you went and MARRIED someone who was your best FRIEND, not your already Bam!, Pow!, "oh my god there is a god!" Lees theory has a big vulnerability. but all of a sudden I feel REALLY angry. I cant trust you anymore., You think that having too much to drink made it all right for you to kiss ______? A guy bought me drinks and he asked me if I wanted to ride his motorcycle to another bar and I did. Then you must be doing it wrong. v5.00a - 0.32607s [RUM] 2023-03-03 02:57:10. So she told him for starters to kiss her well you know where. Now, four years later, I am feeling extreme guilt to the point that it is making me sick and consuming thoughts every minute of the day. Translation: I believe I wish to say, what the hell, what were we doing only I have a competing urge to chose a phrase that could be taken two ways, to ask, where are we at aka what happens with we two now? Egon Ronay-level Petit Degustation, requires the corresponding amount of TIME in which to do so. There was a lot of biting and groping going on, because, you know, the guys were giving it their best shot. Because I already had some unresolved feelings for this guy and I let him kiss me and used the fact that I was drunk as an excuse. You came to your sences and stopped this from going any farther. Ugh, basically. I am a good person and have never done anything like this before. This is what I'd do because my relationship with my husband is stellar and we both want to keep it that way, and it's such precisely BECAUSE we're this 24/7 honest and transparent with each other (Speak-Your-Thoughts machines). The fact he told you very soon after is good. I have no idea who the girl is. Ill bet you got drunk on purpose because you wanted to kiss him/her.. You can keep quiet and resolve never to do this again. Even if it is innocent kiss, I am done. 2. The caller wasn't experienced (like me). I've been Dating a married Albanian man for 6 months already and NOT proud of it.Just wanna share my, Hurt my ex girlfriend, feel guilty and don't know what to do. If he wants to keep her as a "friend", complete access is a must. We started kissing again and he took my T shirt off and I briefly started kissing his body. Ashley Madison helped things along with extramarital affairs. Personally, if nothing happened apart from him buying drinks and giving you a ride home, then I wouldnt have told at all. I'm asking myself all sorts of questions like did I like him, is that why I did it? If he's like meI can forgive the actbut not the lying. A forum community dedicated to married life between you and your spouse. Damn, my husband is such a good person and we were together for almost 7 years now. He deserves to know. Evidently. Thank you. The short answer to your question, for this BPD is: No, I don't feel guilty. If you are separated, you aren't doing anything wrong. Period. After all, if you're still berating yourself for what you did, it won't matter whether or not your partner has totally forgiven you. Better safe than sorry. That is what separates the women from the girls. Im guessing that theres a good chance you would have gone all the way if the piano teacher had gone for it. It's not worth the headaches, nausea, acid reflux, stomach pain, or insomnia you may be experiencing. That's a lot to take in. I had a kind of aha reaction because I realized I was attracted to him. Whoever did it, doesnt matter. He's a nice guy and we get on, but I don't know how I'm gonna face him talk about normal work things. Wife of 8 years straddled and flirted with my friend last night while drunk My Girlfriend Kissed Another Guy whilst Black-Out Drunk. A few people here will recommend MC but it really depends on what you can tolerate. I'm not going to let that or any insulting aspersions, subtle or otherwise, put me off. Alcohol does not change that fact. I was nervous and prayed nothing would happen but it did. We kissed for maybe 5 minutes, or maybe less, I don't know. .Houston, you and I have now strengthened our bond (whereby attention and affection follow) by together having conquered a potential crisis which can now longer be called a problem rather than a PAST godsend of a dual warning (not enough attention/affection worthy of marriage) merely in problematic clothing. However, the fact that you kissed another guy can act as a trigger for him to think negatively of you. Is kissing someone else when drunk cheating? To tell versus Not to tell (and everything that has a bearing). What? If I could go back in time I would because my SO is truly the best person out there.